never (lilmissnever) wrote,

I Forgot to Tell You About Several Things...

I suppose there is some advantage to having a space where I've been keep my writing for so long. I went back and looked at my entry for the first day of 2015 I saw that I started this year with a profound sense of ambivalence. I gained and lost so much in 2014. And maybe I had hoped that I was done losing things. Certainly, I couldn't have guessed that at the end of 2015, I'd still feel like I was finding all the little bits of myself, shakily gluing them back together, and hoping that they would hold.

I traveled for work: to Berlin (three times) and Brisbane and Stockholm and Austin, DC, Valencia, Trinidad, and Sao Paolo and Kansas City. I traveled with J for fun: to Hawaii and Iceland and Palm Springs and Chicago. There are certainly trips that I am missing--this is just off the top of my head--but I know that I traveled more than 110,000 miles this year. I saw kangaroos and koalas and once I sat on a beach and I could almost see Venezuela. Traveling for work takes some of the joy out of jet-setting, but I traveled smarter than I did in 2014 and it didn't wear my out quite so much. I learned not to stack my trips, one right after the other. I learned to say no to things. It is no longer remarkable for me if I'm in a documentary or I give a talk in front of a thousand people or I'm on the news. I've learned not to take a trip because I think it will raise my profile or all my work friends are going and I'm worried that they might have fun without me. There is always more work. There is always another party. I don't need to be more famous.

I really and truly had the last of my eye surgeries. My vision is as good as it will ever be.

I took my sabbatical and did not work for three months, sort of. I did a million little things around the house that I hadn't had the mental capacity to think about since we moved into Bunker 3. I framed things and repainted that wall in the living room which had somehow, unfortunately, ended up peach. I went on little vacations with J. I stayed home and cooked meals with J and we enjoyed one another's company in comfortable domestic bliss. We hosted parties and they did not cause me tremendous anxiety, except for that time that someone pulled the towel bar out of the bathroom wall, leaving a hole the size of my fist. 2015 was a good year to be married.

I spent my sabbatical at the Very Serious Circus School. I got my circus self back. I had hoped that I would perform again in 2015, but instead I took it slow and decided to focus on improving my form. I am nearly as strong as I've ever been and a little more flexible. My shoulders are enormous. A, fitting me for a new corset the other day, bemoaned her own aerialist shoulders, saying "I will never look delicate again." I'm all shoulders and biceps and alarmingly-defined forearms. In 2016, I will record my rehearsals and watch them. Even if I will never look delicate again, I will have straight legs and pointed toes.

I spoke at Odd Salon about something entirely unrelated to my work: the Affair of the Necklace, a talk which I wrote while sitting in the lobby of my hotel in Iceland during a music festival. I would like to give more Odd Salon talks in 2016.

Oh 2015, you were better than 2014, but I am tired of working so hard. Every year I have to run a little bit faster in order to stay in place. And I have so far to go. Just let me get there, 2016. Let everything stay okay for long enough for me to get ahead.
Tags: 2015

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