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Off Day
toon
lilmissnever
I was pleased, for a moment there. There I was, standing outside of MacWorld, saying goodbye to my various and sundry co-workers when I said, "See you on Monday," and one of them said, "No no, remember, we have Monday off." My weekend was going to be a festival of productivity - or at least productivity wedged between go-going at Creepshow Peepshow, drinking absinthe at MEAT v. Deathguild, posing for the painter (twice!), and hanging from ropes. Productivity includes all those things I never quite get around to doing during the week, like taking down the Christmas tree or going to the bank or making an appointment with the optometrist.

That's where I got into trouble. That's how my day off cost me $700.

Oh, I knew that the optometrist was going to cost me some money. I probably shouldn't have spent all of that time at work, squinting at my computer screen. I shouldn't have gone two years without renewing my prescription. I shouldn't have lost my glasses in 2005. I even suspected that there would be extra tests and new machines that take digital pictures of the inside of my eye and a lot of wandering around the eye doctor's office with my contact lenses off while the optometrist's assistant said things like, "Here, take a look at this," and I answer, "I can't. You just checked my perscription and you know that I couldn't see the big, sideways E if it was ten feet tall and on fire." I was vaguely aware that I would spend at least an hour meticulously picking out every pair of thick black plastic square-ish frames and trying them on while soliciting some poor salesgirl's opinion: now which is better, A or B?

Which leads me to a brief, yet crucial, tangent. Dear salesperson: I realize that you are not aware that my prescription requires lenses so thick they could be used on the Hubble Space Telescope, but I am picking out the heaviest frames I can for a reason. Trust me on this one. Trust me and put the cute little rimless frames down. Also, notice that I have not chosen anything with rhinestones or little silver ribbons or Dolce & Gabbana written on it. I'm walking a fine line here. Dame Edna is over there, on your side of the line. Over on my side of the line, I'm just trying to find some black frames that don't make me look like Groucho Marx in drag.

I knew that it was going to be bad. I just didn't think that after paying $100 for an eye exam, $250 for glasses, another $50 for lenses, and approximately $300 for a year's supply of contacts, that I would discover that my health insurance does not include vision coverage.

I have seen my future and that future contains a great deal of ramen.

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Cold Sores Ate My Eyeball is my next side-project


For maximum Odinosity, you would probably need to have a single corneal transplant and then leave the other eye alone.

The ability to wear a hat with style is one that I have never mastered. I have purchased many hats over the years, swearing that this time hat wearing prowess will be mine, but they always wind up deep inside my wardrobe, never to be seen again. I have circumvented this problem by growing a headsquid of such size that it renders most headwear impractical, if not downright impossible. The headsquid also keeps my head nice and warm.

I believe that you could pull off a large floppy hat with style and grace.

Re: Cold Sores Ate My Eyeball is my next side-project

For maximum Odinosity, you would probably need to have a single corneal transplant and then leave the other eye alone.

The scarring's only in one eye to begin with. Ooooo! Spoooooky!

8-P

I believe that you could pull off a large floppy hat with style and grace.

One does one's best, particularly on the summer festival circuit...

-- Lorrie

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